pander modium

Crap.

I'm not sure I like the idea that people I know are going to read this. Not that it's bothered me before, but now they're starting to talk to me about it. They tell me, "I read your blog! It's really good!" and, "Thank you," I say in reply, meanwhile quietly worrying that the next time I write something, I have to be careful if it ends up being about them, or about something they ought or oughtn't know. But besides the subject matter, there is the obvious raise of expectations, putting pressure on me so as not to disappoint.

I think I liked it better when I didn't have a clear audience and these words I thunk up and typed down were just being shot out into (cyber)space, in the endless circuits of our over-advanced communication systems, and the wires and waves that support it.

I think, also, (now getting close to the matter at hand) that I'd like to rewind back to about ten days or so ago, maybe eleven, when something completely unexpected shot fire to an otherwise tedious turn of events, igniting the mundane to something interesting - when there was still potential there for something incredibly exciting to happen. But I guess now nothing ever will unless both parties become willing.

And these signs I'm seeing are giving me flashbacks like a Vietnam War veteran. And it all keeps taking me back to the drawing board; I keep coming back to the only thing I've ever known: that I don't know anything about anything, and who knows if I ever will.

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Thank you to the two or three people who are reading this (I know there can't be more than like, six of you).

But seriously, though.

「ありがとう」