be here now

Where does the time go? A year ago I sat here thinking the same thing, only feeling maybe a little more apprehensive about my future, having just graduated with no sense of direction of where to go next, nor any inclination of what to do when I get there. Still there is that uncertainty even now as calendars are marked by my date of departure (September 1) and my place of assignment (the Federated States of Micronesia) is finally made known. And in this last month or so before I leave, the days are beginning to pick up momentum as I scamper to do all the things I need to do- to prepare, to settle unfinished business, to see people I won't see again for years, to say goodbye to those who, let's face it, I probably won't see again at all.

I thought the hardest part was done when I handed my car over to the dismantling plant. But now there's books to read, photos to develop and scan, a wedding, an improbable road trip, a girl, grandparents, aunts and uncles, an ex step dad, a few close friends, some shows to attend, beers to drink, things to buy, things to make, forms to fill out, a vaccination, and a host of other things to do, and people to see before I set out to be without them for a long, long time. It's a little overwhelming and needless to say, I'm a little overwhelmed. It's easy at this juncture to feel like I'll be spread thin. But I'm trying to see it in a positive light, that at least there is enough to keep my last days here full and interesting, even without a fifteen hour workweek in a drab green uniform and pleated khaki pants, shuffling about in a dusty, glorified liquor store, putting away stock and putting on a friendly face.

And the feeling of being on borrowed time isn't the only thing causing concern- there's also the monetary issues. Now that I'm no longer accruing any sort of revenue, I have to be careful to ensure that my limited funds will not only last me until the end of August, but even all throughout my stay on the islands, if there's any chance of me going on some trip somewhere, with just me, a few cameras, a backpack, maybe a ukulele, and a stretch of land several thousands miles along the coast of China and Southeast Asia. The idea of me as a vagabond is rather idyllic, no? There's a certain romance to it- the vision of a wandering island boy minstrel, strumming along on his ukulele, on long train rides, through crowded streets, and on endless dirt roads in the countryside.

A boy can dream. But let's take this one step at a time.

See me in Santa Barbara
See me in Southern Utah
But I hope you see me soon
Before you won't see me at all